The World I Know

Admittedly slacked on getting any updates done here for quite some time and I could fill a book with what's been going on, but I'll try to keep it to the highlights/lowlights as much as possible. 

First things first, health, labs and have all been fairly normal for the last few months. I just went this past week for my normal oncology appointment. Best news was getting to the see the therapy dog Cubby that day. All the labs came back as normal as can be for right now, which is all I can really ask for.

I've done a little traveling for work and mostly spent my time work, work working all the time. My work trip was for a conference for my online platform which we sell on. It's the highlight of my summer when I get to see my GotPhoto family. They are amazing! I also got a chance to spend some time with my print lab team and met some new friends. These are some of the best people in my industry and I'm forever grateful to all of them. 

Work has been insane. But a good insane.

We've picked up several accounts this year, which has been my goal all along. My team has been amazing and helped out in every possible way, covering jobs, editing, dealing with my craziness and all the things in between. 

The summer and the fall have gone by like a whirlwind for a number of reasons.

Grace had a busy swim schedule, but watching her medal in the State summer tournament was the best! 

We spent a lot of time as a family camping, fishing and enjoying this summer, too, which was very well needed for all of us. 

Now for some unfortunate news....in September I lost my mom to a long battle of lung cancer. To say it's been a rough fall would be an understatement. We can't say it was it was a surprise, but it also came much faster than I expected. We had hoped to get one more thanksgiving or Xmas as a full family, but life has a way. 

She decided awhile ago that she was done with treatments. Something that took a time for me to wrestle with, but ultimately understood. It's hard knowing that something is coming, but it's even harder when it happens. When Septemeber came around I started spending more and more time back home, which was incredibly difficult during our busy season at the studio. Thanks to my team and family I was able to get some time with her that I will treasure forever. 

Besides the obvious grief that comes with losing a parent I've had my own internal struggles I don't really talk too much about openly. The first is the little moments through the weeks and the days where you have reminders of her or having a thought of "oh, I should call mom." Then the immediate realization you can't. In the past several months I got so used to calling and talking to her that it just became a routine part of my weeks to call her a couple times a week to check in. 

The other struggle is the constant reminder of my own cancer and mortality. People are always trying to tell you to just live life and that her journey with cancer isn't mine, but it's near impossible not to make comparisons or to just be reminded that someday, this may be me. 

I'm hopeful that day will not come for a very long long time and try to remain positive in my own journey, but its inevitable to wonder and worry when will that be me. 

Thankfully I try to keep my mind off things with keeping a busy life and running. I completed my third half marathon the day before my mom's memorial service. Something I had signed up for months prior. It was an extra special run for two reasons. One, this race helps fund a Livestrong program in the Rockton area YMCA that helps those who have been diagnosed and gone through cancer treatment regain their strength through a free program. But even more special was Rory's first 5K race. He's started picking up running with me and it's been amazing to watch him. 

That same week Stephanie and I hosted our annual Daniel & Stephanie Williams Fund for the Arts auction where we fundraise for our Rochelle Community Foundation fund we started several years ago. As always, it was a huge success thanks to our committee, family and friends, but most importantly to the community. 

October then flew by like a whirlwind. Last weekend we finally got to celebrate our wedding anniversary about a month late, by going to Chicago for the weekend seeing Nate Bargatze and a Second City Improv show. We had a lot of great laughs and relaxation, something that we both needed.

As we head into November, I'm focusing on being thankful for all the things in my life and I'm actually making a point to do a daily thankful on our fan pages for Lifeworks and Williams Group Photography. 

I know this year is going to be a different one when the holidays finally get here. We're trying to focus on building new traditions this year so we don't focus on the negative so much. There are going to be moments of sadness, but the hope is to outweigh those with thoughts of gratitude and appreciation for what we still have. 

The last thing I'll touch on is to apologize for my lack of response to anyone who has messaged, called or texted and I didn't respond. It's honestly nothing personal if I haven't. I've been a little overwhelmed with it and if I'm being honest, there's probably a bit of depression creeping in at times, which kills my motivation for a lot of things. 

I just want to say thank you to everyone that's been there for me. There's way too many of you to start thanking personally, but just please know how much I appreciate it all. I posted my memorial speech of my mom on Facebook, but here it is if you want to read it: 

Good afternoon everyone. For those of you that don’t know me my name is Danny and I’m the oldest of my parents two children. I want to first thank all of you for coming to honor my mom‘s memory in this very difficult time.

Losing a parent or a close, loved one is one of the hardest things to happen in life. We all know that it will happen someday but nothing ever prepares you for the pain and emptiness you feel when it ultimately happens. 

These last six years have been hard on all of us. Everything from the hours of round-trip rides to Rochester, Minnesota to the countless number of procedures, lab appointments, and doctors visits. My parents endured it all.

In these final weeks, I was able to spend a lot of time talking with my mom on the phone and in person checking in with her and spending time just sitting with her and learning about both of my parents. 

For anyone that actually knew my mom well you knew how sharp and detailed her memory recall was of things that happened probably before I was born. You could mention a name or a house on a block and she could tell you exactly who the parents were who their grandparents were who used to live in the house and who their third cousin twice removed dated for one week in the summer of 1972. 

She shared many stories from her time growing up. Everything from swimming under the docks at Alpha lake, the hours and hours spent at the roller rink, to meeting my dad at a party in Rio. 

Many of the stories were more detailed, than most people‘s capacity to remember which inevitably led into a tangent about another detailed story.

I can’t say I was always the best listener. Trying to remember someone I met once 25 years ago for about 30 seconds isn’t always easy, but I was always assured….”No, no no, you remember them.”

Besides being the unofficial historian of Alpha, my mom wore a lot of hats in her life. She cleaned houses and businesses through her own cleaning business. She was a secretary. An assistant, a manager and a Scentsy consultant. 

But the most important roles she played was wife and mother. 

My parents were married on October 2, 1982. In February of 1983 I was born. I’ll let all of you do the math on that one. 

By all accounts that have been told to me by numerous friends and family, I immediately became her world. For the next 9 years it was mostly my mom and me. My dad took the role of family provider and worked doggedly to make sure my mom and myself had what we needed. 

She did the normal jobs of a stay-at-home mom and at times would take on jobs to help with the finances. She cooked, cleaned, scrimped and saved. My mother was nothing short of thrifty, cutting coupons and finding the best deals and sales on nearly everything. 

Don’t try to find those deals yourself anymore, they were at Big Lots and they’re out of business. 

After 8 or 9 years my parents decided their lives were way too easy thanks to my carefree nature. Pretty soon my sister was born. 

Life changed a lot with two kids in the house. I’m sure there was pressure to make more money. There was less time for me to spend with her as she tended to a newborn and now had to raise two kids in vastly different stages of life. But she did it. I can’t always say it was done with poise, but she always did her best. Her tongue could be as sharp as her memory at times, but she was always quick to calm and apologize if it was necessary. 

My mom had a love for handmade items. Something connected with her and a personalized or handmade item, which is why our Christmas tree was filled with handmade ornaments and I can’t recall how many Halloween costumes she hand stitched. She was rarely afraid of what others thought of her, even my dad. Which made for some interesting trick or treating when she dressed up in a homemade full-sized Hershey kiss that could be seen three blocks away because of the glare off the silver coating or the Scooby Doo head with funny teeth that my dad couldn’t stand. 

Despite raising two kids, working, cooking, cleaning, sewing and handling the finances, my mom somehow always found a way to attend most of our sporting events growing up. Whether it was my football games, my sister’s softball games or even roller hockey games that were an hour away, she made her best effort to always come. It was something she specifically told me was important, to be there to support her children. Something I’ve taken to heart with my own kids. 

She was always there when we really needed her. It didn’t matter if she was 40 minutes away or a four hour plane ride away like when my sister needed her comfort during a difficult time. She would be there to help you pick up the pieces and to make sure you knew that everything would be OK.

These last six years have been really hard on our family. I’m sure it’s been the most difficult for my dad, but I’m thankful that neither of my parents had to truly endure that alone. There are many people to thank specifically, so I apologize if I’m missing someone that deserves credit. I want to thank my mom’s close friends Terry Schnowski, Deb Helle, Barb And my Aunt Vicky. Whether you were there to take her to an appointment or just to sit with her in the final days, we wouldn’t have been able to do this without your help and it truly means the world to us. 

I learned a lot about both of my parents in these final weeks. 

If I’m being honest, I’ve never thought of my dad much of a caregiver. He’s always been the provider and the fixer. But when it was time, I watched his patience and love take over as he walked my mom from the chair to the bathroom or the bedroom. Waiting on her every need as much as he could and doing it all gracefully. He was by her side every step of the way until the end, sacrificing sleep and hunger for her needs over his own. I got to personally witness the true love he had for her. 

Despite my mom’s choice to discontinue chemo, I watched her fight until the end. She was a much stronger person than I ever gave her credit for. When someone decides to stop treatment, it’s not about giving up. It’s about living life the way that you want to and that’s how my mom lived each day. She could be stubborn to a fault, but I will never blame anyone for choosing to live their life the way they want to do it. 

I want to end this by encouraging all of you to live your life a little like my mom. Love with all your heart. Don’t worry about what others think because in the end, it’s only your family and friends that matter. And live each day the way that you want to live it. We’re going on to miss you mom.